Bravery or plainly.. i asked for it

new injury to the list.. pinched nerve.. and let it just be this condition. i had seen the doctors in many specialized areas and had even taken upon myself to read up on my potential diagnosis before mustering the courage and overcome my pain to visit the doctors. 
the 'stories' i had come up with to tell the docs are just getting plain.. i cannot bear to tell the real truth as it just shows how dumb i had been in sustaining the injuries. Fell on blocks of ice when im a noob at snowboarding, slipping on lighters on flat ground, choking on CHICKEN BONE, getting my blood clot from using a rubber band, having my toe nail cracked while brushing my teeth...

its laughable.. but why me? i am that clumsy.. and with such more stories, i cant help but to think i am truly a mutant.. with the extraordinary talent of being a self destructing, walking disaster..

my butt hurts.. and i'm writing this while fidgeting for the best position in the chair and standing to ease the pain. i've 5 cup suction... not by breastfeeding.. but by TCM.. the treatment is sometimes more painful then that momentary pain via my many falls.. i guess.. its the prolong pain and suffering i have to endure while seeking treatment and delaying my treatments.. 

Honesty is the best policy? why my stumble..

I've questioned myself many times if i am blunt, honest or just plain ignorant and took the defensive move of not admitting to my ignorance and claim that im blunt. have i been the most honest abt things? or have i been hiding behind this facade that i-know-alot-of-things?
things range from my true feelings and about managing others feelings.. which ones comes first? do we not live for ourselves but no man is an island and i do live alot because of relationships. yet, i am not the most successful in maintaining or prolonging them. for every failed one or discontinued one, i have felt the impacts. i have been hurt but i chose to ignore the effects. am i oblivious to such effects or do i learn to live through them. memories have haunted me so many times, tears were close but never shed.
my admiration goes to those who can express and finally move on. have i stayed stagnant in the past while time goes pass me mercilessly? it did take 50 yrs for even Jodie Foster who has so much success ever since the age of 3 to come out and be daring to the world that gave her that fame. im a nobody yet, i have no courage to do anything really honest. many have moved on and started chapters.. am i just trying to rewrite them?
i am a product of norms. my pain, it seems, might go with me to the grave. must i be constantly bugged and saddened by them?! Direction.. guides.. in search...