i slipped. y??

i hurt that ankle of mine again.. a slight twist though... hiaz. but as usual.. its a process of how i hurt it.. not the result of the accident..

y?? i have been careful with my walkin.. esply now that i decided to shoot the longer distances while training.. the field is full of holes, making the ground there very uneven.. w a weak ankle of mine... i have to walk really cautiously in case i trip.. my ankle's weak and feeling rather loose around the joints.. the muscles there not fully developed or rather.. not strong enough of any rigorous activities yet.. so no running, no jumping and definately no blading.. so imagine my feelin when i see the bus that i am supposed to take, go pass me and i cant help but let it pass me.. i wanna run for it. but cant.. cox if i do, it'll hurt and the worse part is, i cant catch the bus and the whole lot of people at the bus stop and the bus see me limping akwardly after the bus. gosh.. the shame.. this is when, i think handphones are the best invention ever!! i will suavely whip out my phone and pretend to be fully engrossed into it.. adimring the buttons, the screen etc.. haa.. this is to contain my embarrassment.. not wanting any eye-contact w anyone..

so how did i manage to hurt my poor ankle again? i slipped while going to the toliet again.. ahhh.. the curse.. i went to my 1st floor toliet.. this toliet is named, 'the dogs' toliet'. cox this toliet is mainly used for and by the dogs.. but no.. they refuse to pee there.. but at the balcony with tons of newspapers sprawled across. they are cleaned there. i have a naughty dog which likes to pee right outside the toliet door.. even after he has done his business on the newspapers.. he loves to mark areas that are his.. even if he knows he would be scolded and beaten for it.. weird.. he doesnt seem to want to learn.. so... i think u can guess. a puddle of pee is there.. and i slipped.. yes.. on dog pee... hiaz.. he doesnt normally pee there or otherwise, never that much pee.. marking only means a few drops.. but who knows what he drank.. he peed a whiole puddle.. enough to trip me!!

so while others trip on wet floor, normally caused by water.. i slip becos of dog pee.. hiaz.. back to wearing the ankle guard for a few days.. an early bday present from my dog..

A short note--Love is blind.. this i believe

When u truly love someone, u would turn blind to many things. U would do whatever they say and whatever they want. Even u are not happy with the choices but you know that they are happy and contented, u will eventually end up happy. A smile on their faces brings a much wider smile across your face. Maybe, it is right after all, sacrifices have to be made to make space for love. Like everything else, there is nothing perfect, we cant have the whole pie and eat it. We have to learn to take some and give a lot more. Power is never equal on a relationship. Someone has to be the reign-holder, while one is the leashed up follower. It’s a choice made and done. Learn to adapt and live happily because, u have found your love.

to do or not to do.. headache..

recieved a distressed phone call one day and was asked to be a listening ear of one of my gal fren's BGR problem she is facing.. here's a rough outline of her problem:

let Y be my fren.... and A be her BF.

A's a girls-kinda guy, very friendly (to Y, over-friendly), his close frens are mainly gals. so its common and regular for him to hang out with the gals; the whole day, the wee times in the night, even going for over-seas trip together. some of the close gals-frens are rather good-lookin and so Y feels threatened. A's frens shares many interest while Y shares with A only the emotional side.. Y feels very insecure and lets A knows about it. however, A doesnt see why Y has to kick a big fuss abt these issues.. he always lets her know who he is hanging out with, and even introduced her formally to all his frens as his gf.. Y however feels that A is not answering her qn and his actions doesnt reassure her.. when she throws a fit abt it, A completely ignores.. in the end, its always Y who makes the first move to apologises.. while A nv accepts the apologies with grace.. he continues his cold front and even becomes spiteful abt it.. A alwys hav the upper-hand in th erelationship.. Y doesnt hav a say in stuff cept for mayb where should they go to eat.. Y's tired of A's dominating nature and bullying tactics.. but Y has put in too much into this relationship and breaking up is not an option.. A uses the break-up word to his advantage to get his way and to be evasive abt things he doesnt wish to touch on.. A has the choice of being good and bad as ans when he wants to... but for Y, she has to always tolerate and be nice..

my analysis:
A's got a huge bunch of gal-frens.. yes, he still keeps in touch with his ex-s and he even hangs his crushes pictures in his room.. there are times he chooses time over Y to hang out with his other frens (gals).
A's not wrong....
BUT-- he always tellings Y abt them.. he never behaved sneaky or had to resort to lying to hang out with them..he even tries to include Y in his activities with them. he has frens, so they are mainly gals.. but when its the boys his hanging out with most of the time, another issue is raised.. 'y cant u share with me?? y always boys night??'
frens connect, at times, differently from GFs or BFs. there are stuff that may not be convenient to say.. they need an outlet.. and it can be easier to tok to frens too since they have no commitment towards them..
A's wrong...
BUT--he has to be more understanding towards Y abt his behaviour.. mayb Y doesnt hav a large frens network like A.. she has put A as her top most piority... A takes advantage of Y since he knows that he is on top in he heart.. he bullies her emotionally and get awya with it. dont be too cocky.. u will feel the pain if she does leave u.. cox now u are blinded by the love she is showering u, u dont realise that u love her as much too.. she shows it more explicitly.
Y has been understanding enough to let A hang out with his frens. she had never rasied an issue abt it until recently.. so mayb somethin is really wrong this time? give some reassurance.. Y is not trying to change A or strip him of his social life.. what she wants is that he learns when to give in to her and when to coax her. she wants to be part of his private life; just the special one to him. mayb tattoo her name on his forehead for all to see.. gals love to be pampered and loves to be loved.. they can live on love and go without bread and water.. really... they need to see or feel special every now and then to know that they are in their minds and hearts.. bring her out one night to gaze the stars or play the guitar downstairs and you'll (boys) have peace and a docile Gf for a month.. haa..

while on one hand i try to sort things out for my fren, advising her to be more forth-coming towards her BF, tactful confrontation, tell him out-right that she wants him to give her some form of reassurance..
on the other hand, i hav a problem with a close guy fren of mine.. i cant stand the fact that he has to lie to his gf abt having to hang out with his gal-frens. and he has to 'report his every moves to her.. while i can help iron things out for Y.. i am at a lost with this fren of mine.. mayb when u are a viewer, its easy to say, but when u are involived, its so much harder to do..

EASIER SAID THEN DONE!!--- soooo true...

to our former DPM Rajaratnam

lets give a few minutes of silence to the passing away of DPM Rajaratnam.












ok.. this guy wrote our national pledge.. thats seems to be all that i know about him.. mayb cox thats the only other line i caught while listening to the news.. but i knew more abt him since all the other main channels, Channel 5, 8, U, Suria, were showng a doucumentary abt him.. hmm.. in 3 diff languages... only Arts Sebtral was showing their normal programns.. so a documentary abt wholves was aired.. hmmm.... its more interesting??? actually, i would like to agree.. oops.. not that i amshowing any disrespect to the late DPM, but rather, all these documentaries abt him are kinda brainwashing.. now then they start glorifying abt his acheivements.. y didnt the government give them their dues when they were alive?? look at Wee Kim Wee.. passed away last year.. then all the documentaries.. its like they are more 'famous' now then b4.. its like Beethoven and Da Vinci, who must die first then do they get recognised properly..

lets be honest, many of us dont really know our whole lot of people in the goverment, let alone their acheivements.. mayb a handful, we know... eg. Mr Lee and his family etc etc.... other then that.. hmmm.... this does show somethin doesnt it? either we dont care or we are exposed more to others than some?? open-ended-question.. just keep answer inside, have a good sleep and move on..

mayb i am abit sore.. cox....... they cancelled America's Next Top Model becox of the airing of the documentaries!!!

Human Testube

had a sleepless sunday night, was tossing an durning the whole night... y??.. i struck the ang bao $10million!!(then i'll lose some more sleep the next few days over what to buy) NO LAH!!! its
becox of my next morning visit to the docs... admitted: i am a timid mouse.. but come on.. who actually would look forward to go to the hospital for a test??!! i dont!! caught mayb only a couple of hours of sleep.. but my nap was not sound.. i had nighhtmares over what the visit to the docs would be.. i am not prepared this time.. i dont know what they are gonna do with me.. Barium swallow is completely new to me.. unlike the other few times, x-ray is all about being in front of their hi-tech 'cameras'.. no pain.. just be model.. but..

745 in the morning.. i was already at the radiology centre.. eyes were slit wide.. eye rings of a panda.. i was dragging myself to the hospital.. changed into my gown.. so i was literally naked only covered by that thin piece of cloth.. and one of the worst place to wear such thin material is in the hospital.. it was freezing cold!! i was trying to find warmth in that gown...

walked into the room where i would have to take my test.. gosh.. 1st up, the bicarbonate powder (think its a stronger version of ENO).. and given such a small amt of water to swallow all the bits.. ok.. that was fine.. had an orange-flavour to it.. this was supposed to expand my throat for a wider picture to take for the x-ray... then the gorss mixture that i had to take is next.. it has a cement-like texture.. they tried to add in a rose flavoured syrup into the mixture to mask the original taste.. NO USE!! it still sux.. can u believe drinking in wet cement that tasted like rose-cum-drain water??!! and u thought u can at least pinch your nose to gulp it down... think again.. i was made to hold a mouthful b4 swallowing it.. and i cant pinch my nose w my fingers... cox i would be blocking the camera... ahhhhhh... the agony..

when i did swallow the mixture... a chemical reaction took place in my throat.. the ENO substance that i took earlier casued me to burp.. and was forcing the 'cement' out.. but i had to swallow it!! so it was a struggle to get the mixture down.. i was like semi-vomiting.. but had to force myself to swallow the vomit down.. (YES, THIS IS GROSS!! I WENT THROUGH ALL THIS!!) i was made to do this holding-and-swalloing about 5 or 6 times to have different angles taken.. (take big mouthful, hold, vomit then swallow, take big mouthful, hold, vomit-swallow) x6.. hiaz... then at my last time to do that routine.. the nurse told me this.. 'u know.. u dont hav to take such a big mouthful.. small intake is more then enough.. i see u take so much like very difficult. your cheeks are all puffed up'........

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... now then she tells me... after those horrible gulps.. and the difficulty of swallowing them.. she tells me that i need not have to take in that much.. is it really me?? do i really have a black cloud above me?? or did i have too much of a good life in my past.. so now karma?? or am i just superstitious?

some recollections

had a phone call from a fren this afternoon.. and found out that here's another one reading my blog to make their day.. gosh.. think i have a knack of making others feel good at my expense.. then y did i set up a blog if not for other's pleasure.. simple.. i just wanna record stuff so that when i look back.. i can laugh too.. these are real stories without fabrications.. my frens who have been with me for at least a year can verify them... so i have a loyal bunch of 'fans'... dont think i can fail to inject a dose of happiness to your dull lives.. esply when mine never seems to cease to entertain.. haaa..

i had flashbacks of my unlucky times while on the phone.. and hence these stories deserve a space here in my blog..

• sprained my thumb while 'playing' with May.. gosh.. was boxed and my poor tumb was the shield.. had accupunture.. i have a great fear for needles...wonder if it was me suay or the auntie.. i kicked her a couple of times.. till the main doctor had to take over..
• had a freak accident while playing rugby style captain's ball.. and i ended up with 2 sprained ankles.. y?? simple.. the ball bounces in an odd manner, and everyone was following the direction of the ball.. like a swarm of bees, we followed the ball's every bounce.. at last, i caught the ball.. but.. alas... i had a whole crowd behind me who couldnt stop in time... first it was a huge guy who fell on me.. he tripped.. and hence a bunch followed.. i was squashed at the bottom.. there goes my 2 ankles.. meals in the bedroom for a week.. when it happened--first 3 months..
• elbowed on the jaws while playing basketball with the guys.. result-- another 1 year of braces when i was supposed to remove them the following week!!
• time to have my braces removed.. and what happened?? my wisdom teeth started springing out.. result--another 1-2 months of braces.. y?? to let the teeth come out and then extract.. afraid that with the removal of the braces, there maybe a shift in the alignment.. ahhhh
• had my wisdom tooth extracted 1 at a time.. but then when it came to my second extraction.. i wanted to be gungho... had 2 removed at once.. so dead.. the pain after that was excruciating!!! ended with a swollen right cheek for days.. the dentist got his wife and daughter to assist him during my second and 2rd extractions becox of my violent nature.. I AM AFRAID OF NEEDLES!!
• ate the forbidden or the only squid in the pot.. celebrating the end of the first A level paper--GP.. what a pre-celebration at marina bay.. result--only one with food poisoning.. did the rest of my A's in the hospital.. while the rest who dined with me were well and healthy..
• first time up to KL with my frens.. only went to two major 'places of interest'... the clinic and the hotel room.. caught a fever on the very day we reached KL.. gosh.. slept throughout the trip.. even had a needle poked into my butt cox the temperature was too high.. so didnt don much up there and b4 i knew it, i was driven back to S'pore..

wonder when one will be tired of reading such posts.. or would they? cox while others can relate to other's blog becox of the similiarities.. but me?? its hard to find a 知自 to share my cases with.. only those who;ll laugh along with me.. so frens.. stay tuned.. somehow, i dont think these would ever end.. :p

P4 students can be quite a terror..

since i was a known bummer by my frens, i am officially operating a agency called; 'call for hire'. having the most time in my hands, i was the one that pops up when one needs someone to accompany or do do someting.. 'the rest are working so who else better to get but jennifer'.. the common opening line i get when pickin up the phone..

so my good buddy had a facilitator short on friday, so she got me to stand in as a tour guide... my job: to entertain a P4 class while teaching them about the culture in Little india.. to be frank, i maybe staying in S'pore for my past 22 years, i dont actully know many parts of S'pore very well, let alone the history of the places.. did a quick study of the place and off i was the next day to 'pollute' the young innocent minds... muaaahhhaa..

already with a sore throat, i had to shout to get the attention of the young kids.. young as they are, its easier to bully them.. a few lines of threats should do the trick.. how wrong i was.. was bullied by instead of being the bully.. and my misfortunes continued.. a kid in my group had high fever and vomitted on the way.. and the teacher was pretty much MIA after that.. the young active kids took advantage of the situiation and went amok.. wat a day.. i was totally shagged out and needed a nap to recharge.. mayb i am old..

now having second thoughts abt being a teacher.. should i or should i not.. i may buy a flower with lotsa petals so that i can keep peeling the petals to find the answer.. or do i want to?

my follow up on the notorious chicken bone..

i'm in a race where no one is running or would even wish to run with me.. no pacers.. cox i am running the life of suayness.. who would wanna join such a race??!! i am far above the rest and its unlikely anyone i know can over take me.. i am far and beyond touch.. when will i see the finishing line..... i would love for this particular race to end.

went on thurs for my check up on the bone-that-would-not leave-me-alone.. at last, i could have the answer to whether the bone is or is not in my throat.. however, i was still left clueless.. instead more doubts and questions were rasied...

suspect 1: a cut by bone..so it seems mayb the splinter has scratched a no of my inside.. as i am having breathing problems and swallowing difficulties..

suspect 2: bone still there but in fragments..the fragments are having fun playing hide-n-seek.. and hence may have injure my insides as well...

this time.. both my nostrils; the right and left were sprayed with the nose spray.. this left me wondering.. isnt the bone suspected on the right-side of throat? so shouldnt it be like the other time, where the tube should be put throught the right nose? why should both my nostrils be sprayed then? before i could really sort out my thoughts.. the scope was inserted into my LEFT nosetril... y??? maybe cox my left side never had the 'experience' of having a tube shoved up before, so it hurt quite abit.. till my left eye teared.. (did u know.. that if one side of your body is experiencing something new; ie a tube inserted etc; other parts of that particular side tend to react to it too... trust me on this.. i have first-hand experience.. confirm right!) i looked pretty weird whereby only the left eye was tearing... but my right was clear and bright.. i was wiping tears from the left eye.. so y did the doc insert it into the left nose to check my left-side of my throat.. i had no answers.. but guesses..

• 1st guess: was it done to 'balance' my enlarged right nostril? if thatsthe case, then she would have to insert it for a second time.. my right nostril was checked twice the other day..
• 2nd guess: just in case the fragments moved over the other side since i do not feel the pain as much on the right side anymore..
• 3rd guess: she forgot!!! ahhhhhhhhhh

one would question.. y didnt i ask the doctor? simple.. i was choked on the medicine of the nose spray.. i had double doasge today!! so numbness was felt throughout my nose; both left and right; as well as my throat.. and yes, i was still wiping my tears.. while trying to concentrate on finding my seat near the table with my right eye... my voice was hoarse and my throat was bitter.. i tried to crock out a few words.. but instead i was beaten to it.. the doc had her first words.. 'i'm sending you to the Radiology Centre at B2, dont worry.. just follow the nurse. i just wanna do a more careful and thorough analysis of your case. i'll see u in another 1 week time when i see your report.' and off i was ushered by the nurse..

hmmm... i have been to many places in the hospital.. and this centre mentioned was comp;etely new to me.. in my last post, i was still boasting that i know the hospital like the back of my hand.. i was wrong.. i actually had to croak for directions.. its not easy... remember, the nose spray is for numbing effect.. so, not only are my nostrils numb, my throat is pretty much feelingless too..

and there i was.. in this new department.. its a bigger version of an x-ray room.. its the x-ray specialist room.. gosh.. i have been 'upgraded' to a bigger department.. the normal x-ray centre cannot accept me as their paitent anymore!! i was thinking why do i need to be 'upgraded' to this place? wasnt x-ray rooms just the using of the the special camera that photographs your bones? i was to find out very soon when i was called..

BARIUM SWALLOW MEAL EXAMINATION!! (An x-ray test where you drink some barium can be used to obtain pictures of your upper gut - the gullet (oesophagus), stomach and small intestine. laymen's term: drink a liquid that would make your inside light up like a florenscent bulb, so your inlards would light up and then photographed.). y me?? y me???? Y ME??!!!! i always have to be the one to try all sortsa stuff; medicine and methods.. from accupunture to this.. AHHHHHHHHH.......... did a search online for this term.. and found this line..* y am i not consoled*.... (Barium x-ray tests are done less commonly these days as the more common test to look into the oesophagus, stomach and duodenum is with a flexible telescope (endoscopy). However, there is still a place for barium tests to help assess various problems of the gut. http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/27000478/)

monday's the day when i become the pig (no pun intended) to test this serium... so no meals and drinks for 8 hrs before the test.. and have to be there at 815.. late is not an option.. absence is not a solution too.. hiaz.. all becox of a chicken bone, i have brough myself misery and torture; and the doctor, a new thesis to work on.. or why does she wants to do so many tests??!! this is definately an interesting topic and have a ready guinea pig to work on--me..

CGH

in the last past 4 years, i've been in and out of the hospital.. mainly CGH... its not becox i have a recurring illness that requires constant medical attention.. but rather for all the weird accidents i had experienced.. broken limbs, sprained backs, food poisoning etc.. had been warded, been sent to x rays, therapy etc..
its like i know the various departments pretty well.. and of course spent a great deal of time and money there.. there's a saying here, 'better die than be sick'. the bills chalked up can be pretty humongous.
lets c where i've been..

1. A & E
2. X-ray
3. Clinic B ( i can safely say its for sprains and broken limbs specialist centre)
4. Clinic C ( thats when B becomes too crowded, payment and appointments would be made there)
5. Clinic H ( ear-nose-throat centre)
6. rehabilation centre
7. ward B

i hope thats all.. pls.. its like i can navigate pretty well within the hospital w/o much assistance.. i'm only 22.. but already in & out the hospital.. am i doing a rehearsal for my later life? CHIOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Brokeback Mountain for V day!! anyone??

minimum stuff done done during this years Valentine's day... lets see..
woke up real early cox i had a pending job offer to accept by 11am.. decided at 9am not to go and sign the contract.. so.. another job rejected..
then while the time watching the torino 2006 winter games on tele..
after dinner, it was a movie with Kevin at PS.. wow.. Brokeback Mountain... was graphic and it is a gay movie.. a love story between 2 macho, handsome cowboys.. wasted.. what a way to spent Valentine.. to watch 2 cowboys make out.... eeeek.....
but kudos to Ang Lee, he always tackles touchy issues with class and beauty.. 1 of my favourite show by him is 'the wedding banquet'.. its also a gay show.. but it touches on many issues; rigid chinese culture, gay themes, chinese living abroad, how the westerners are percieved by the chinese, vice versa.. Brokeback has a more straight-forward and simple storyline.. still nevertheless, thought-provoking..
thats how i spend my V day... wonder whats next next year...

SUAI IN BIG CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!

i am in a new territory on my own where no one that i know has stepped into this territory.. i have my ups and downs in life.. no words can describe my fate... or life.. unlucky? i dont blame my fate but am bewildered by it.. and sure am tickled by some of things that i have experienced of late.. WEIRD seems to be the best word..

gone through many things but this time, this takes the cake.. heres the list of what has happened.. with a twist to things..

1. down with chicken pox during my 'O's.
2. hospitalised due to a suspected case of appendics and did my 'A's in the hospital.
3. 'flew' off my bicycle cox i pressed the wrong brake.. went too fast, stopped too abruptly.. the pain of a sprained back that still lingers today.
4. postponed my examination dates in the U as i was suspected of sars during the period where sars was rampant.. did my remaining papers in a mask and had my glasses fogged everytime i breathed into the mask.
5. fell sick at a time when it was the critical month of archery ( SEA GAMES selection period).
6. had a great fall while making a trip to the toliet.. result-- a fractured foot with 3 borken ligaments. an ah ma in a 20 plus body.. still undergoing phyiso..

but this time, i'm lost for words.. this accident is something so totally different.. then agin.. everyone of my misfortunes seems to be uped by the next.. what a fluke.. i swallowed a bone.. yes.. everyone may have swallowed a bone or two.. wat's new? its common to hav a bone stuck inthe thorat.. then it dissolves or gets pushed down the throat then passed out.. i had eaten a no of bones before.. but wat makes it so special is that it is no ordinary bone.. not the bone that comes up when someone say, 'hey i swallowed a bone' kinda statement.. its not fish bone that i am talking abt here.. i swallowed a CHICKEN bone!!! a chicken bone.. gosh.. how can anyone swallow a chicken bone.. wat a laugh.. so a splinter got embedded into my throat and caused an irritation on my throat.. i did everything i could to stop my pain.. coughing it out, vomiting, swallowed my food without chewing, even stuck my finger in to force it either in or out.. did the unbelieveable.. i swallowed vinegar!! (vinegar has a chemical effect on chicken bone). wrong move.. it was stinging.. not only does the vinger taste bad, its also stinging.. my throat was in more pain..

did all i could so that i need not see a doctor.. ok.. didnt think it was so serious.. into my forth day and the pain was still there.. so woke up real early and decided to see a doctor.. wat a long day it would be.. spent 8 hrs at the docs.. was referred to places.. from the clinic and the various departments in the hospital..

first up was in the clinic where me and the doc had a little laugh about my case. then i was given a letter to go to A & E. spent 3 hrs just to get a referal letter.. ahhh.. so off i was to A & E.. spent another long time at A & E. so paitently i waited for then to call for me.. queues after queues.. theres one for registration then another for a routine check-up then another for the concultation.. lost count of how many queue nos i was given.. they skipped my no.. ok.. i understand that mine wasnt life-threatening enough.. ok.. so i waited.. it was nearly lunch time, my breakfast was fast digesting away.. and i dont think that it would last me thru the afternoon.. but i was still stuck at the hospital.. not even halfway.. after a near 3 hrs wait, it was finally my turn..

always liked the service at cgh.. the staff was friendly and warm. they empathise with the patients.. even if they were faking their concerns, they were doing a good job.. they seem sincere in their gestures and speech. patients are already depressed when they are sick and to be admitted in the hospital means that their sickness goes beyond the common colds and coughs.. so being extra sensitive and nice is important and greatly appreciated.. but.. i was in for the opposite..

my doc was not having a good day.. i can tell.. she is in some temper.. and i felt the brunt of it... a rough job was done during my check up.. pulled my short and put the stethoscope onto my back. 'breathe!'.. 'BREATHE!'... i was breathing as hard as i could.. but she was still pressing me for breathes.. y would i complain about breathing difficulty if what she wanted to hear was a clear pattern of breathing??!! and asked me to open my mouth and stuck the stick too long in my mouth.. gosh.. next, i was hurried off to a room.. i understand that A & E works in a mad rush.. but.. i am sick here.. hello??... i am already in such a sad case... so y be so impaitent w me.. at least let me talk and ask some stuff.. and pls reply me.. i did pay $65 bucks, travalled 1hr and waited 3 hrs just to see u.. she was stern and harsh with her questions and answers.. curt and a matter-of-fact attitude. wat was to expect was scary..

a rougher job was done in the room.. she was going to use Nasolaryngoscopy (passage of a small, flexible fiberoptic scope through the nasal passage to gain a direct view of the structures in the nose, nasopharynx, and larynx and allow for clear identification of potential disease; laymen's term, a tube is gonna be stuff through your nostrils then your throat to see whats wrong with your throat.) before i knew it, she sprayed a nose spray (some kind of anesthetic so that i wont feel the tube inside or get hurt by the tube), into my left nostril.. i was choked... taken by surprised.. she had the tube stuffed down my nose and into the throat... it was ticklish and it hurt.. having a foreign object in your throat is already painful and irritating.. imagine a long tube down your nose and then your throat.. its double the pain and irritation.. and it doesnt help that she was forcing in my throat to have a better look at it.. i was choking with the tube inside.. i felt the whole tube moving inside.. ahhh... spare me.. my right eye was tearing so imagine the discomfort i was in.. then she left me with the x-ray department.. left high and dry and w a numb left nostril.. not being able to give me a definate answer, i was sent to a specialist.. the ear-nose-throat department..

the doc at that department was so much better... really.. first, she introduced herself to me and told me to relax.. she looked me in the eye while explaining my condition to me.. the other doc was more interested in the computer screen than talking to me. she didnt even look at me except mayb while checking my throat.. she has no choice but to look at me.... the doc was so much gentler with her treatment.. yes.. i had to do the nose thing again.. she told me to take a deep breathe in and hold my breathe while she sprayed the nose spray into my nose.. she took the time for the medicine to work and was patient w me.. i didnt choke.. the whole procedure was so much better.. not that it was the second time i was doing it and was getting used to it.. i dont think i'll ever get use to having something forced into my throat.. not via the nose.. but becox the doc was so much more patient and gentler. she was meticulous and careful.. i didnt choke or felt much of a discomfort besides the occasional coughs when the tube touches the walls of my throat.. she took the time to explain things to me and i felt comforatble and more assured.

felt like i was in an episode of grey's anatomy where i meet 2 interns at seattle grace hospital. my A & E doc was so much like Christina Yang; the aggressive, know-it-all intern, who wants to score on big cases rather than do those small and trival cases.. ok.. fishing out a bone in throat is quite a boring case.. still.. mux we all be dying of somethin unique everyday so as to get some attention from the docs?? ok.. 我忍.. mayb she was having a bad day, monday blues, it mayb the time of the month.. overall, she wasnt that bad.. she did say 'take care' and 'dont worry about it'.. no vulgarities were used or punches thrown.. the doc at department H was like George.. a caring doctor who was willing to listen to patients and show earnest in work. he had warm and welcoming eyes.. my doc too, had big, brown eyes that were warm and friendly.. so it seems, cgh still does carry the best service award in my opinion..

no confirmation was made abt my condition.. there is suspicions that there are bits of bones in my throat that is hard to detect from x-rays and the nasal scope.. a CT scan has to be done.. bit expensive.. or it could be just a scratch from the bone.. hence the swelling and irritation.. till my next appointment in 3 days time, i am still as clueless.. pray that its just a scratch.. pls.. no surgery.. some change in luck??

ps: deleted this whole post cox of fat fingers.. and typed this all out and from scratch except fr the title.. ahh.. and my misfortunes continues..

I've got 1, 2. 3..

total of 6 personal emails... should have been 7.. but my school account was shut down cox.. i had graduated and am not entitled to use school stuff anymore.. haaa.. i still have my matric card!! student benefits still available to me as long as my face stilll look young and thick skin enough to use it!! the hotmail one.. has been invaded with junk mail.. so pretty much gone case.. havent been loggin onto that one for years..

y do one need that many emails?? for me.. simple.. the internet has boundless and endless of memory space.. i cant keep all my precious docs, pix etc on my com.. when there's a virus attack, or some reason or another that causes my com to break down.. there goes my stuff.. unless i have done a back-up copy.. while increasing the memory space on my personal com requires money.. getting a new email account is free!! and nowadays.. mail spaces are getting larger!! great!! 100mb.. it shall be a perfect storage place for my stuff.. till mayb someone hacks my accounts.. but seriously.. for what? i've nothing valuable.. trust me.. look opening a blog here instead of typing in MS words then save into a folder or writing in a journal saves me space.. and i can write and type and write and type here.. and no one would hinder me..

so with every new technology= convenience.. a new wave of ideas represents a boom in creativity.. so use it!! problems.. oh well.. wats new...

back to basics

feels great to be back to shootin arrows... i mean literally.. i love archery.. and it just feels like i'm back on home ground again.. my bow is back in the sun again.. but then again.. it rained when i stepped into the range.. is this a sign? or just my luck again? nothing seems to be improvin..

i am starting all over again with my shooting skills.. not that there was anythin to boast abt in the past.. so starting all over again now doesnt feel that painful.. cox it feels that its easier to let go and start over.. it just suck that to think i trained so hard in the past couldnt be used and my strength has wilthered.. after all the effort and time spent.. gone.. wasted.. so yes.. theres still a pinch of pain.. i wont deny.. i mux psycho myself again that to be back at basics is good.. rather then indulging in all the wrong thing and be even more depress later to let go.. and also not wanna speed things up too fast.. i mux learn to be patient.. my worst enemy.. impatience..

so.. my dear me... heres a list of what to do and not do for your archery...

to-do-list cum not-to-do-list

• build up strength; so do regular gym work.. even if its just 'playing' w the dumb-bells..
• do some running.. u are getting flabby!!
• shoot more regulary.. dont be lazy to make the trip down to the range..
• focus on the proper steps.. dont be complacent
• back muscles back muscles.. back tension back tension..
• left scapula in, right out..
• concentration concentration
• MOST IMPORTANTLY!!! PATIENCE!!!

yes madam..

the news report that sparked some fire..

a report on the newspaper abt archery sparked an email war among fellow team-mates. the report stated some stuff that were over-cooked or untrue.. sad but true.. my association tends to talk nonsense and ends up shooting itself in the foot...

an email was sent out by my team-mate to ask for clarifications and an appeal was made to give an agreement to send a letter to the press to correct stuff.. to be fair.. i personally felt it was unneccessary to ruffle the association's feathers.. its our words against theirs.. we cant prove otherwise.. they may have the papers, even if they dont, they definately have the authority; the badge that gives them the creditials to tell the world that they are boss!!

however, there are some who took the chance to take a jab at others. but frankly, whatever comments made.. let them fit those who thinks fit them. otherwise.. i dont see the need for tempers to fly or unhappiness to spark.. if the passion is just to shoot.. i dont see the need to give an explanation for it. just do your own thing and let others have their say.. or they will never have their peace.. since we are team-mates.. let the flow begin and learn to accept.. mayb the comment was meaningless.. mayb it was meant business.. i only know that comments are made becox they were on ppls thoughts.. but mayb more tact should have been shown.

its like we want to say stuff.. be honest.. but we can nv do tt.. y cox we have to think abt others.. but did anyone think abt us?

a day of thoughts

while the west have holland V and 6th avenue, the east has siglap and frankel (or the whole stretch of east coast).

took a long walk from my home to the next nearest mrt station to top up my ezlink card. didnt feel that it was really near.. a near 20 mins walk from where i reside and the hot weather doesnt make it easier. chose another route to the mrt station; frankel avenue.. as i walked, i couldnt help but notice the type of houses and cars that were there.... a rich area in singapore where again shows the affluency of her people. then it made me wonder.. wat happened to me? since young, i had always been ambitious hence my big ego.. haa..

i always wanted to be among the top in my class and it was no mean feat considering the school i was in. mayb its true that when u are with the best u strive to be like them and eventually become them. my family background equally gve me the pressure to strive. i was given a comfortable life.. never real worries to bear other then studies.. said that when i grow up, i will own a car, a house and definately a maid since i never didnt any household chores besides those u had to do when in school.. duty roaster... when in Jc, i even declared that i wanted to start a business and then be successful enough to get a car of my own and drive in the University campus to show off my wealth and capabilities.. if i was to fail, i didnt mind going bankrupt at the age of 19 as i can still get back the money. at least i bought the experience and the joy of going through it.. every now and then then, i was hatching a business plan with different frens. hopin that the different mix of frens would spark a different chemistry and inspiration.. there were times when i did find a good mix but becos of various reasons (or mayb excuses), things just didnt come thru.

the drive didnt die till when i was in the University... the flames were fanned even more as my confidence went up as i was entering the U; where the cream of cream was there. i love being in the crowd of the best. made me feel like i was the best myself. yes, my frens skeptism made me feel self-consciencious. though i was forced underground. i still had the burning desire to succeed.

but after my graduation, i suddenly felt lost.. where was my confidence and drive? my fire seemed put out.. no spark seem to survive. wat happened? how did i lose myself? i dont know.. i cant remember.. was it my failure of obtaining my honours or my goal in life have changed? i kinda gave them all up when i found a love in my life.. after 20 yrs of my life.. i found something that i love doin.. archery.. or is this another excuse to my pending decisions in my life?

still luckless

took too much of a leap by being the main chef.. came out of my apprenticeship after only a 1 day course.. wat a Disaster!!! wore a hat that was too big... made a mistake too many...

1
my cheesecake became a cheese pie!! made a wrong estimation of getting too large a pan to bake my cake.. the filling for the cake was spread out onto the pan and hence became too shallow... the 'cake' was only 1 third thick.. it had the propotion of 1/2 of crust and the next 1/2 made of cheese.. so imagine this.. a biscult coated with cheese.. that's how my cake appeared..

2
also put in too much oreo cookies that the colour turned out grey!! this is wat happens when u refuse the recipe and do your own estimation. so cream-colour to grey.. GROSS!! it actually reminds me of a seqment in extreme japan where the comperes where eating some squid ice-cream.. the texture and colour is so like tt..

3
wanted things fast, hence had the cake put in the freezer so that it sets faster.. impatience gets u nowhere.. yes.. it hardened fast... but due to the haste, the texture was leaning towards gum.. guess it was the long bus that soften the cake abit.. any longer in the freezer would have made it a cheese brick!!

only the taste saved me the blushes.. at least it still tasted like cheesecake... Philadelphia cheese.. your product is right on spot!! thank goodness it tasted alright.. with skills like mine.. think its best i stay off baking for awhile.. a long while..

back to mahjong....
wanted to impress with my bakery skills.. but think its a fruitless attempt.. became a laughing topic instead for my frens.. o well.. wats new.. at least they tried it (after cutting it, or rather breaking it and then brining it to their faces!!).

since i recieved an F in the kitchen.. i went back to Mahjong!! i could hardly believe my luck!! i didnt throw out the winning tiles.. but neither did i really win big games.. there were times where i had all the 'flowers' to win but i just cant seem to find the finishing touches.. even when i want to win somall.. i always was beaten to it.. worst was when i had a beautiful hand.. i mean really beautiful opening.. where i had 2 'zhong', 2 'blanks', 2 'fa cais', countless flowers and animals and a whole bamboo suit.. i couldnt win!!! right from the v beginning.. i just had to wait for the right cards to be thrown out and then just wait to declare winner.. but that too didnt realise!!! my goodness.. i;m still actually bleeding internally till now.. simply cox this are openings that so far i had nv gotten before.. o well.. when it comes to gambling.. u win some and u definately have to lose some.. theres 2 sides of the coin that u will face.. again.. i was the main bank... the only loser of the night.. with some luck, my debt was cleared by my friend's aunt... so sweet.. she wanted no losers in the house since it was the new year.. so everyone should be happy.. so mayb that was some luck??!!

1 more week of CNY.. maybe another try some time in the week.. or not.. mahjong is a game that is popular during CNY.. so just following the tradition.. haaa... ok.. will quit it after that..

*fingers crossed*

no winning tiles

when east meets west doesnt guarantee a good mix of cultures. instead.. the east mayb overwhemled by the west..

like this very day.. actually made the effort down to the west.. telok blangah.. its v v far from where i come from.. the main activity of the day supposedly baking.. but come on.. who am i kidding.. like i can bake!! the best cooking skill of mine is the partnership between me and the microwave.. was pretty much a hinderance in the kitchen instead.. me and my stupid fren.. xiaowei.. and carynn were trying our hands on baking oreo cheesecake.. the best contribution i made in the whole process was to pound the cookies to pieces.. didnt know how to use the beater let alone understand the term, 'folding'.. well.. the cake actually turned out alright.. jus way too sweet for my liking.. so baking such cake only took us abt 1/2hrs.. wats next... tv is nv a choice if u are in a house where there are no vcds, dvds or cable..

MAHJONG!! lately.. i've been pretty addicted to this game.. my standard of chinese is actually improving.. i can read!! hey.. give me credit.. the words are in olden characters.. but wat a luckless day!! was the biggest loser.. i lost in the 3 persons match and next in the 4 persons match.. a total of 3 matches were played in the day.. gosh!! my backside hurt from sitting on the chair for so long la.. just call me the 'jennifer bank'.. i was doing the paying out for most of the day.. the westerns are having a good time squeezin me for cash.. luck jus wasnt on my side.. they had conspired against me the whole day.. the only money fluidity around the table was courtesy of jennifer kuan huimin!! ahhh..

i kinda ask for it.. i'm no long jiajia.. but still went playing.. gambling never really pays.. just enjoy the game and time w your frens.. but nv think that that would be your route to bigger gains.. a black-hole investment had to be made b4 u see profits..

another day

I was told there was a difference between jobless and unemployed.. quoting from my grand-aunt (who was protecting me from all the bombarding qns of my bum-status); being jobless is a personal choice, unemployed is being rejected by others.. such scrutiny of word choice comes to play when its time to be defensive.. when.. CHINESE NEW YEAR!! when everyone u know or hardly know starts to want to know abt u more on that very day.. gosh.. wat a stress time.. its great if u are the cream of the pack.. enjoy the glory and praises.. but if its the other story.. then...
being made to compare to others is wat i cant stand.. but then again.. dont i always do it too? like the selection of clothes, bags etc when i go shoppin.. hmm.. mayb its time to give those non-living things abit of feelings too.. i guess its my ego that i cant stand being put into comparison here.. who likes critictism and hates praises?? regardless of the motive behind every praise.. it still feels good..
being jobless is making me think maybe abit more than i actually used to; esply in sch.. nv knew i could analysis so much and crap so much 'logics' out too.. what do i want actually?? that i still cant figure out though.. suddenly lost without an objective made me aimless and lost.. i cant really undersatnd why i snet out my resumes then at the same time reject the offers opened to me.. many claim that i',m lucky to have great breaks in big places (eg mediacorp, sph) but eventually backin out.. i, too, cant understand really y.. am i tooo comfy? or becox i know i can still live off my parents' funds.. selfish..
fracturing an ankle made me dependent on crutches for abt 2 weeks... being armed w a degree made me crippled to face reality.. i have a huge comfort zone which i mux break free.. or i cannnot grow..
JENNIFER... hello..

bringing my nonsense to public

openin a blog to 'pen' down my thoughts.. and mayb also write abt my continuous 'days of my loser life' mega-series as well.. let the floodgates open.. hopefully.. more threads would be abt good fortunes than 'dirty laundries' that would tickle my frens..